I wrote this a few years back and after I read it today wanted to pass it along – especially to some friends who I know are struggling. And to remind myself and celebrate how far I’ve come, and the joy that writing brings me. :-)  My friends, life gets better…

It has been a while since I’ve written anything. In fact, I don’t think I’ve officially or unofficially written anything since about August. 
 
I might have written the words to the beginning of a country music song, which is interesting, since I’m not a big country music fan. 
 
I also wrote – through tears – a very personal account of what recognition and understanding is. I still don’t understand or recognize what these are, but I’m not going to worry about it. Right now I’m writing, so my world is just a little better. :-)
 
The past nine months have been mostly difficult and clearly transformational. On the positive side, I’ve intentionally reduced my body weight and am getting fit again. 
 
On the difficult side, my primary relationship of nine years has ended and is being reinvented as a friendship. My five month old tablet pc (the new one I purchased after I dropped the last one) was stolen and I did not have backups of most of my stuff. 
 
I’ve painfully let go of client relationships that I realized weren’t working for me. And my sister has had a recurrence of brain cancer – after 12 years of being mostly cancer free.
 
Quite honestly I have no idea why I’m sharing any of this with you. I do know, however, that through all of this, I feel more human than ever. 
 
I feel less certain about what direction my life and my business are supposed to be going. I’m stumbling painfully in and through friendships. And at the same time, I feel more compassionate, more willing to take risks, more willing to tell people what I think and what I feel, and more connected to Life.
 
I guess these are all, ultimately, the unexpected gifts of change.
 
I’m seeing that computers and technology are great, but human contact is even better. I’m recognizing that I can’t run away from my gifts and that they remain with me 107.3% of the time, regardless of my circumstances.
 
I’ve come to understand that relationships can grow and evolve and change form at ANY moment – among seeming comfort and safety, among fear or life-ending illness, or in the spaces in between. 
 
I’m also teaching myself how to remember differently – to choose to remember only the good in the people who are no longer in my life, and trying harder to find the good among things gone bad…
 
Physically, I feel different. At times, my body doesn’t quite seem to be attached. I realize this might sound strange, but it is true. I decided to stop “hiding” behind my weight - whatever that means - and some days feel like an athlete again. (Granted, I’m not 25 anymore, but I don’t honestly feel like I’m 42 either.)
 
I’m mostly eating food that is good for me. I’m not striving for perfection, nor do I desire to become a health and fitness evangelist. I simply recognize and focus on what works for me, my body, and my life.
 
Honestly, I’m still weary from the journey I’ve been on these past nine months. I’m walking through the doorway, or over the bridge, but I’m not yet to the other side. Life keeps coming at me but somehow I know everything and everyone will be just fine, myself included. 
 
Despite all this and because of it, I recognize and appreciate the unexpected gifts of change.

- Jan

Today is my sister Joyce’s birthday. She would have been 48. We lost her to brain cancer 2 ½ years ago. She lived with brain cancer for over 14 years. The early diagnosis was severe, but she went into remission for years, only to have recurrences later. She had a total of 3 brain surgeries, plus countless chemo and radiation treatments.

My sister and I were not  “close” growing up. We had different interests, and we weren’t really a fit. I’m not sure how to explain it. I only share that so you have some sense that we struggled at times.  We also had some very good times. She had a gentle demeanor and loved to cook, sweets in particular. I did enjoy my share of the cookies and cakes she baked, I assure you. And none of that matters anymore.

The last 4 months of Joyce’s life were some of most difficult I’ve ever experienced. Yet that time was also filled with unexpected gifts. In those last months she was continually moved from one hospital to the next and finally to hospice. She suffered tremendously and yet through that suffering I witnessed a transformation in her Spirit. My Spirit transformed too.

I remember the exact moment my relationship with her changed permanently. I was walking out of her hospital room and she said “I love you.”  I stopped. I turned around, looked at her and with a huge smile on my face said, “What did you say?” With a half smile on her face she answered, “You heard me, don’t make me repeat it!”  I told her that I loved her too.

We both laughed and then shed tears. The irony of it all is that I believe it was the FIRST time in my life I ever told her I loved her!!!! Less than 2 months before she died. One of the greatest gifts of my life literally happened in the midst of one of the most difficult circumstances.

Even though I always loved my sister and knew it was mutual, it was so amazing to hear the words, I LOVE YOU. And to say them. I was literally on a joy buzz for the remainder of that day; it was such a profound experience for me. Better than anything I’ve experienced.

I could stop here and just say don’t wait until it is too late to express your feelings of love to those you love. You could read that much into what I’m saying. Or I could tell you to get over yourself and love more. Don’t let “this and that” – OR DISCORD OF ANY KIND – get in the way.  In the end, “this and that” won’t matter, I promise you. It might take you years to figure that one out, perhaps long after you have time to do it in person.

And I must continue and call you to action. If any of this resonates with you, stop reading after the next two sentences. Call, text, or tell someone in person that you love them. NOW. I prefer in person, but hey, just do it! I am doing the same, be back in a minute….

Did you do it?

I can wait….

Ahhh that felt great. 

How was it for you?

After my sister died I was sitting outside on my deck thinking about her life and crying. I realized that in the end, the thing that mattered most were her relationships. Everything else was temporary. The expression of love we shared literally melted away any past discord into nothingness in an instant. She changed, and as a witness and through it all, I changed too.

What remains is peace and joy.

Today I will find something sweet, put a candle on it and celebrate her birth. I love you Joyce.

Jan

When you work from home, certain daily activities become more symbolic than ordinary. One of those symbolic events for me is the delivery of my mail. My mail generally arrives between 3 and 5 pm, and it signifies the end of something and the beginning of something new. And if not that, a chance to stop what I’m doing…at least for a while.

I have learned the low hum and driving pace of my normal postal delivery man, Louis. He has delivered my mail for years and consider him a true gift. I’ve seen him stop to give my 87 year old neighbor a hand to start his lawnmower. Or make a special effort to come up to my door and ask me about certain pieces of mail. Once I watched him offer to help remove a tree that had recently fallen in a neighbor’s yard. A very good guy indeed.

So to my dismay, this day I heard a truck that didn’t sound like it belonged to Louis. The pace was way off. Instead of the consistent, gentle pace, it sounded like someone who just learned how to drive.

My curiosity got  the best of me, and I hurried to the window to assess further. Indeed, a postal truck was on my street! Now just one house down.

I watched the postal delivery man place mail in my neighbors mailbox. I know, not life altering. Best I can tell it happens M-S, with the exception of holidays.  

But what happened next was a total surprise.

Immediately after the mail was in my neighbors box, and the delivery person’s arm was out of harm’s way, the truck bolted past my evergreen tree,  screamed almost recklessly parallel to my front lawn and abruptly landed right in front of my mailbox.

I might have thought to much caffeine. Or driving a “loaner”. Or even worse, having difficulty reaching the gas and brake pedals. I didn’t think any of these. Instead, I was certain that I was about to watch my mail being literally thrown into my mailbox. Like a drive by delivery. Similar to how newspapers are thrown out of the windows of moving cars to land somewhere in the general vicinity of their intended destination.

But that’s not what I saw.

Instead, I watched the exact opposite! Once my yet unidentified postal carrier regained his balance, he fumbled about quite a bit. In fact a lot. He didn’t seem to know what he was doing! Twisting and turning, checking boxes, and sorting through the mail in his hand. Time ticking away…and more time… the mail is still not in my box.

A noticeable contrast from his zip from my neighbors mailbox to mine. J

His arm finally emerged out of the window with a stack of mail and was placed directly in my  box. I might have celebrated,  but didn’t have time! With his arm out of harm’s way, he bolted towards by neighbors mailbox. Only to repeat his reckless driving and his entire fumbling around process once again.

I laughed and reflected. Seriously, I thought how true of my life. I’m often in hurry to go somewhere but when I do get there, I spend so much time figuring out what I’m supposed to be doing!

I wonder what the hurry is all about? Is the speed at which I race to go somewhere more important than being “ready” when I arrive?

I do know that sometimes expediency is necessary. If you are an emergency room doctor, by all means, be fast!  

But I’m not talking about those situations. I’m talking about everyday life. Going to the grocery store. Starting a new project. Sending an email. A phone conversation.

And all said, there are also destinations we choose that we have no idea where to begin and that is to be expected. Take action AND pace yourself!

You see, there is no guarantee any of us will ever arrive…

So, a gentle reminder today.  When I notice a sense of urgency in everyday life, I will stop and ask, “Is this truly urgent, or might it be better to slow down to arrive at my destination better prepared to execute?” Will my zip or a moment of solid reflection best serve me? And I will move forward from that place…

There, I said it. My new Zip Code.

Jan

Is there any new coaching wisdom left to be wrung out of the tired and out dated philosophical question, “Is the water glass half full or half empty?” I don’t know, but if there is, you won’t find it here. If that’s what you were expecting, you are in for a surprise.

I am going to talk instead about a full glass of water… 100% full, no questions about it! Almost so ordinary that is often overlooked -  let me explain…

Long before Atlanta was experiencing a drought, I found myself with friends at a table for six at a popular local restaurant. 

We were seated and provided menus and the customary glasses of water arrived at our table, filled to the rim. Normal stuff. Everything and everyone seemed fine. (Of course this is always relative, and I know you know what I mean.)

After examining the menu for a few minutes, I glanced over to watch a friend notice her glass of water. 

My friend might have noticed something in her water that didn’t belong, and that would have certainly got my attention, but she didn’t. She might have asked for carbonated water. Or, alternatively she might have asked for colder or warmer water. She didn’t do any of these things.

Instead, my friend looked at her water glass (like it was something from outer space) tilted her head slightly and said, “Please take this water away, I don’t want it.” She went on to say, “I need this space for other things!”

Her words caught me off guard. I was both surprised and amused as I smiled and laughed with appreciation. 

You see, our table was large enough to easily accommodate many plates and glasses! The restaurant was known for its service and food, so it was unlikely that empty plates would be sitting on our table for long.

My friend could have easily dined with us AND the water glass. Water glasses generally don’t bother anyone! They don’t ask for much, nor are they particularly difficult to get along with. (And her water glass took up approximately .00027% of the table space, I calculated it)

“I need space for other things!”  That is what she said. She said it clearly and without hesitation.

I got it immediately, and appreciated the simplicity of the lesson…

I have to consciously create space in my life for what I want!

So I started thinking about how I hold on to things I no longer want or need. Like piles of papers. Old emails. Furniture I no longer love… And ideas that no longer serve me!

I was reminded that if I’m not willing to let go of these things, there will be NO space left for me to experience what I truly want. Those “things” are taking up precious mental, emotional, and physical space in my life. That space could clearly be filled with more joyful things and experiences.

All from observing a simple water glass being removed from a table. I know I will never think about water glasses in the same way.

So this very moment and today, be AWARE and CHOOSE!  Intentionally and consciously make space for what you want in your life!

Fortunately, this is the end of my thoughts for the day. You can’t blame me for taking up your space.

I’m off to choose and can’t wait to create more space on my table and in my life, I’m hungry!

Jan